What a difference a week makes. If you remember, last week Evan started the InterMaintenance II (IMII) phase of treatment. He ended the week in the hospital with a fever of unknown origin. For me, it was scary, understandably so. Fever either means a viral or bacterial infection or considering his drastically reduced counts it could mean relapse. Relapse in this stage would be bad news. So, my anxiety level was pretty much off the charts.
Fast forward to this week. He has been doing great! His appetite is much better; his energy level is good too. I took him to the hospital yesterday morning for scheduled labs and his chemo treatments if the labs were good enough. Boy were they! His WBC is up, ANC is well within normal limits, his hemoglobin is over 10, and his platelets are almost 500k! No lymphoblasts in peripheral blood. So, what does that mean? It means he stands a chance of fighting off infection if he is presented with it. It means he is not anemic. It means his good cells came roaring back and his body is rebuilding- fast! If there were active leukemic cells in his marrow, this would not be happening. It also means he can go outside and ride his wheeler again! That made him most happy. During this past week, we didn’t let him ride due to the risk of infection and the fact that his platelets were so low. If he got injured, he may not stop bleeding. Couple all that with anemia and it could have been a bad day if he wrecked.
Obviously, his counts were good enough to get his chemo. He received vincristine and an escalated dose of methotrexate IV. When we got home, what was the first thing he did? Ride his four-wheeler. Like a prisoner out of jail, he was free.
There are life lessons and then there are life lessons. I can talk a good game about faith in God and try to live it the best I can. But when your most innocent little boy is fighting a terrible disease and no guarantees can be offered, it tends to test my faith ability. During Evan’s stay, my anxiety was almost uncontrollable. I wasn’t jumping off a bridge or drinking booze, but internally the unknowns played out over and over and it was pretty bad. I was waiting, foot-tapping waiting for the next set of data from the doctor, for the doctor’s reassuring words about our boy’s status. That never really came or helped since we got a lot of “it seems” and “I thinks”.
Then earlier this week it kind of hit me. Maybe you all know this already and I’m just now catching up. But faith in God, His will, and His plan isn’t a passive thing. Faith is a verb. In this storm that continues to rage, I have had faith in God, we praise Jesus for His sacrifice, we pray for healing. But when the chips are down, how do you exercise your faith? How do you let go of control in this realm and leave it all at the feet of Jesus? It isn’t easy. But if we practice the words found in the Bible, “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” I Peter 1:13. And “For you are all children of light, children of the day. We are not of the night or of the darkness. So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.” (emphasis mine) I Thessalonians 5:5-6.
During these days of chaos all around, evil rising (all which will get worse, guaranteed), a time of personal as well as global challenges, we must be actionable, I must be actionable in the faith. Sitting on the sidelines of faith will not reassure us during these times. We must put on the armor of God every day and every night, actively. His reassurances are there for us, we just need to seek them out and apply them every day.
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